Romancing My Ace Heart
I’m a romance reader, but I struggle with reading romance. I promise it makes sense. Well, okay, maybe not, but I would need a while to explain the intricacies of my mind.
See, I’m ace. It’s something I’ve realized over the past year, and it makes quite a few things about my past relationships make more sense. I’m also grayromantic, which for me means that while I like reading romance novels and watching rom coms, I’m pretty ambivalent toward romance itself. This interesting dichotomy definitely presents challenges in my dating life, but it also presents challenges in my reading life.
I have to be very specific about the kinds of romance I read (and I have tried reading other genres. They don’t hit the same). As someone who identifies as ace, here are the guidelines I use for finding books that aren’t a DNF:
Spice is fine, great even (sex-positive ace here), but it should come later in the book, and constant talk of being horny makes me want to put the book down. I’ve DNFed very well written books because the spice was too much and too early.
Preferably very little use of explicit terms during spicy scenes. I wouldn’t say they make me uncomfortable, but I hate them anyway.
No instalove. I loathe instalove.
I would prefer very few grand romantic gestures or sappy romance talk.
The book should ideally be enemies-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers (I eat that up like catnip), or even second chance romance, though those can get a bit too romantic and dramatic (looking at you People We Meet on Vacation and Happy Place)
Here are some other qualities that aren’t necessarily ace-related, but are important to me nonetheless.
Preferably no miscommunication trope, but that’s less of an ace thing and more of a I’ve-been-in-therapy-for-six-years thing.
No extremely dumb FMCs (and MMCs in some cases) who believe there’s no way her love interest likes her, even though there’s a clear indication that they do. (Full transparency: I would probably do the same thing in real life, but I can blame it on being generally unaware of what’s happening and unable to read some social situations.)
The book has to make me laugh. Also not an ace thing. That is actually an ADHD thing.
No drama. See the previous bullet point.
